The Sun

I am a little late getting to this month in any kind of consistent way. Could be the fact that I have been sick for the last couple of weeks. Now that I am basically back together and feeling more energetic lately there are a couple of things I have learned. 1. My lifelong goal of becoming a "morning person" is about to come to fruition, at least for the next month. I have to get up early if I want to eat and get my exercise in before I am dizzy from lack of food :)! I've put the sunrise and sunset times on my calender and now I know that I have to be up, fed and work out before 6:30 every day. That is not an impossible goal. Although I have to say that I didn't think that one out too thoroughly. 2. I really like Frank Zappa but understand why I never listened to him before. I never did psychedelic drugs. There is a definite community for his music :)! 3. Khemetic Reconstructionism is not very interesting. What is far more interesting is the politics between caucasian practioners and those from the African diaspora. Of course there are white people who have put themselves in the place of the ancient pharaohs and there are black people who say that they are the original people. The practice itself is not particularly interesting to me. It feels kind of false and overblown and it doesn't feel like a "real" religion to me. More like people trying to be cool. I think I feel that way because despite the claim that this is a direct connection to ancient practice there seems to be little relevance to the world outside of the sect. I think what I respect and find interesting about religions is not just their ritual but how that informs their lives, behaviors, interactions with others and personal world-views. This tradition does not seem to have much obligation to engage with the world outside. It makes them unattractive to me. If anything it seems to promote a cloistered environment. We'll see.

in peace

NOVEMBER

NOVEMBER
Religion - Kemetic Reconstructionism
Practice - Fasting during daylight hours
Activity - Video Tapes
Food to Release - Chocolate
New Food Habit - Parsley
Music - Frank Zappa
Poet - John Milton
Thoughts: Alright - fasting during November. The sun is only up for 4 hours a day anyway!

My Favorite Shakespeare Sonnet - #29

When, in disgrace with Fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least,
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate

For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings,
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

October

October
Religion - CANDOMBLE
Practice - ITAL EATING (the eating of observant Rastafarians)
Activity - 10,000 STEPS
Food to Release - CAFFEINE
New Food Habit - BLACK BEANS
Music - ESPERANZA SPAULDING
Poet - SHAKESPEARE

September

This is Judaism to me

SEPTEMBER
Religion - ESOTERIC JUDAISM (Kabbalah and Gemitraya)
Practice - SITTING MEDITATION
Activity - YOGA
Food to Release - SUGAR
New Food Habit - APPLES
Music - JONI MITCHELL
Poet - GERTRUDE STEIN

This month already feels good. There is a nip in the air in the morning, and the grass is already covered with dew. I love fall, it is my favorite time of year, despite my allergies. I am reading about Chassidism which incorporates a great deal of esoteric Judaism. Mysticism fascinates me, although I could probably never be an ascetic, I could be a mystic. Or at least I would like to think I could be :)! I am going to post my thoughts about August later. I did alot of journaling last month because some of the feelings that came up were rather personal and a little too deep for me to write about in a public forum which should give you some indication of how difficult the month was for me because I can pretty much write about anything in my world. I am getting my energy back. Creating a routine and getting comfortable with the fact that I can do things even if they are not perfect. I can just do the best I can at that moment. So I am going to listen to Joni and clean up the kitchen.

We are blessed may we recognize the blessing,

in peace

photo:daveintucson

The Rosary

I am getting to the point where I can pray the entire thing in 15 minutes. Speed is not the point, reflection is - right? I remember being with Jewish friends and relatives and they would speed through the candle lighting blessings and then all the subsequent brachas. I always sang those blessings much more slowly. Not just because I was stumbling over the Hebrew but because they seemed more sacred that way. Judaism is not my religion of origin, Christianity is. And my formative years were spent in Catholic Schools so I know these prayers inside and out.

I am enjoying the mysteries. There are different days to say the different mysteries. And yesterday, Friday, was the sorrowful mysteries - Jesus is chosen for crucifixion and Barabas is let go, Jesus is given the cross, Jesus and the crown of thorns, Jesus is nailed to the cross, Jesus asks James to watch over his mother. They never say - Jesus died. The next set of mysteries is the Glorious and that begins with the resurrection. When does he die? I remember that part in the musical Godspell. Sister Mary Ann used to play the Godspell record in 2nd grade. When it got to the part when Jesus starts to sing, "Oh, God I'm dying..." I would cover my ears and put my head on my desk. I was so overwhelmed and terrified. Much the same way I am when I hear "Origin of Love" from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Creation and death move me to a difficult place, likening it to one of Dante's circles of the Inferno. In college I directed the musical Godspell. And I believe I blocked (staged) the death scene and then never looked at it again. I would leave the theatre when they did it. Still not able to sit through that kind of anguish.

My thoughts on the rosary.

Photo: Lawrence OP

Music

I miss variety. I love Angelique Kidjo and am really enjoying getting sticky in the melted honey that is her voice. And I cannot believe that I will not hear Sweet Honey in the Rock for a year. That sort of blows my mind. It is doing something interesting to me also. I have music for my many moods, we all do. When I want to trip through high school I listen to The Smiths and Morrissey. When I want to recall a past love - well, there are a variety of wells to go to for that but most often it is Free by the Soup Dragons or Solomon Sang by Cassandra Wilson. Music takes me there instantly. And I am having to learn how to cope with sadness, anger, those blow-out moments when you recall something so painful and/or embarrassing that you shiver and speak out loud to yourself. I have to be there in those moments and experience them fully. Something I am not always used to. When I am sad, I mean really thinking about the edge of that cliff I go to Sade's Lover's Rock album or the Off-Broadway recording of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. When hubby sees that in rotation on the ipod he knows something is up and he comes to my aid. This experiment, so far, is really forcing me to get clear and recognize my feelings and maybe actually ask for help if it is needed. Could I really do that?